


His Wilted Flower

by wordsarelifealways



Series: Insomnia [2]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Even being a supportive boyfriend, Insomnia, Isak struggles with his words, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 18:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9397745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsarelifealways/pseuds/wordsarelifealways
Summary: Isak's insomnia flares up and Even does his best to help.  Two weeks later it reaches breaking point at a pedestrian crossing in the middle of Oslo.





	1. His Wilted Flower

Even knew Isak had trouble sleeping and that stress made the insomnia worse, and while he couldn’t do anything about the source of Isak’s stress he figured he could at least help his boy get some sleep.  Since his diagnosis Even had tried about a dozen different techniques to help his own sleep, so he had some ideas about what to do for Isak.

Since the nosebleed incident a few weeks ago – which Even’s heart still stopped for a second if he thought about – Even had made it his mission to help his boyfriend.

Step one had been introducing the ‘no technology in the bed after 10PM’ rule, which Isak had balked at initially but tried nonetheless after Even explained that the light and all the stimulation wasn’t exactly conducive to a good night’s sleep.

Step two was wind down time, which Isak actually seemed to enjoy.  Instead of doing his homework until the small hours of the morning when exhaustion was too heavy to ignore, they both put all their school stuff away with the laptops and phones at 10.  Wind down time was pretty much just an excuse to lie in bed and cuddle his boyfriend, if Even was honest.

Isak soaked affection up like a touch starved sponge, though, so it was met with no complaints.

They’d lie in whoever’s bed they were spending that night in, cosy under the duvet, murmuring about their day and exchanging lazy touches.  Even’s favourite thing to do was to smooth his fingers over Isak’s curls while Isak talked about his day, occasionally twirling a lock around his fingers and watching it spring back.

Isak, on the other hand, was always all over the map.  He’d trace Even’s facial features, slot their legs together so there wasn’t a single place they weren’t pressed together, and sometimes he’d even blow on the part of Even’s fringe that was adamant to never lie flat.  Even would have protested the last one if it didn’t make Isak’s eyes light up with silent laughter.

It never took long for them to become soft and sleepy, blinking hazily and yawning through their stories.

Sleepy Isak had a special place in Even’s heart.  The way his cheeks would flush just slightly and his eyes would glaze over in a way that reminded Even of lazy afternoons smoking pot and kissing and he would just be so malleable under Even’s touch.

The only problem was that Even always fell asleep before Isak.  He’d lose himself listening to Isak’s breathing and Isak would stroke his face so gently that his eyes couldn’t help but flutter shut.  Cut to hours later when Even would wake up and Isak would be lying there watching him or staring up at the ceiling, the soft sleepiness replaced with simple exhaustion.

Even would always mumble an apology that Isak would roll his eyes at, but they’d settle back into a cuddle and Even would try to outlast Isak.  Some nights it worked and he could hear the change in Isak’s breathing and feel Isak’s muscles relax under his hand and he’d know his boy was finally getting some rest, but other nights he would fall asleep rubbing soothing circles against Isak’s back.

Even wasn’t sure what else he could do.

***

The issue came to a head about a fortnight after Even had brought in all his rules.  Although Isak was adamant that he had slept for a few hours with Even every night for the last week, Even had never seen him look more drained.  Isak’s usually pale skin was now a tired grey, except for the dark blue bruises under his eyes that betrayed his lack of sleep.

Even obviously didn’t have any classes with Isak, but he had overheard Sana asking Isak if everything was alright one afternoon in the library and he suspected that Isak was too tired to be of any use as a biology partner.

Not that he gave a shit about grades when he was watching Isak wilt before his eyes like a dying flower.

The breaking point came that Thursday evening when Even was walking home with Isak.  Their hands were laced together and Isak’s nose was going pink from the cold and he looked almost too adorable for Even to bear in all his winter layers.

Even was telling Isak about his latest project idea even though he was pretty sure Isak wasn’t taking any of it in; his eyes were glazed over with tiredness and possibly a _little_ bit of boredom because Even knew he had a tendency to info dump.  Even slowed to a stop at the crossing and thumped his gloved hand against the button and bounced a little on the balls of his feet as he waited for the lights to change in their favour.

Isak’s fingers slipped through his and Even glanced over at his boyfriend.

Or, where his boyfriend _had_ been.

Even whipped his head around fast enough to cause something to click unpleasantly, but he hardly had time to process the pain before he was lurching into the road after Isak.  Even had never been more grateful for his long limbs than he was when he grabbed Isak around the waist and hauled him back onto the pavement just in time to watch a car speed over the tarmac that his precious Isak had been standing on mere _milliseconds_ ago.

The car horn was enough to jolt Isak back to reality, but Even’s legs felt boneless beneath him.  He took a few steps away from the road, his arms still wrapped around Isak’s waist, before they gave out from under him and he slid onto the floor with his back against the wall of some shop.

Even could just about hear Isak saying his name over the sound of his heartbeat thundering in his ears.  He was shaking like a leaf and felt numb all over.  He was pretty sure he was in some sort of shock.

“Even, hey, are you okay?” Isak cupped his face in gloved hands and Even forced himself to focus on the beautiful concerned eyes hovering in front of his face.

“Am I _okay_?” Even repeated incredulously.  “You just walked into moving traffic!” Saying it aloud made his heart hammer even faster.  If it got any faster Even was sure it was just going to explode out of his ribcage in a gory mess of blood and bone.

“I’m sorry, I spaced ou-”

“No!” Even cut Isak off vehemently.  “I don’t want an apology.  I want you to _sleep_ , Isak.  You walked into that traffic because you’re too tired to notice anything.” Even manhandled Isak from where he was kneeling over him so that he could hug the boy to his chest.  Isak hugged him back just as tightly, and that was when Even realised Isak was trembling too.

“Shit, it’s freezing out here.” Even laughed shakily, trying to ease the seriousness of the situation.  “C’mon, let’s get you inside.” Even sighed, pressing a kiss to Isak’s temple before getting to his feet unsteadily.

They walked home in silence.  It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t their usual chill silence either.  Even was clutching Isak’s hand so tightly his own fingers felt numb, but Isak didn’t comment or try to pull away.  Isak let them into the flat without a word and Even felt something in his chest snap.

He pushed Isak towards his room, swallowing the boy’s startled yelp in a kiss.  He kept backing Isak up until they made it into the bedroom, kissing him like his life depended on it.  Isak was clinging onto the front of his coat and it reminded Even how many layers were between them.

He got to work on that immediately.  With one quick kick of his leg he slammed the door shut behind them and frantically got Isak out of his coat.  He was aware of Isak’s hands tugging at his own layers but – _dammit_ – they just weren’t fast enough.  Even jerked back and instead focused on getting his own various jumpers off.  Isak watched him blankly for a split second before his brain caught up and he did the same.

Once they were down to their jeans and shirts Even practically tackled Isak onto the bed.  He used his size advantage to pin Isak to bed, pressing hot open mouth kisses to the boys’ exposed throat.  Isak’s hands scrambled over Even’s back for purchase before settling for tangling his fingers in the fabric of Even’s shirt.

Even ate up the little noises that escaped Isak’s lips as he sucked bruises into the boy’s throat, grinding his hips down against Isak’s as his back arched off the bed.

“Don’t – ever – do – that – to me – again.” Even growled, emphasising each word with a kiss.  Isak nodded quickly underneath him, almost head butting Even’s nose.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Isak gasped breathlessly, his nails digging into Even’s back through his shirt.

“You scared the hell out of me, Isak.” Even whispered, dropping his forehead down to rest against Isak’s.  “What if I’d been a second later?  What if that car couldn’t slow down in time?” Even squeezed his eyes shut at the thought.

He felt it more than anything else when Isak swallowed.  Seconds later there was a hand running through his hair.

It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to start soothing Even’s frayed nerves.

“I’m sorry.” Isak repeated quietly.  “I’m sorry I lied about the sleep.  I’m sorry I put you in that position.” Isak’s arms moved down from his back and slid around Even’s waist in an awkward hug.  Even made an executive decision and rolled them onto their sides, opening his eyes and brushing the hair out of Isak’s face.

“You could have _died_ , Is.” Even could hardly get the words out, but he had to know that Isak understood how serious it was.  “You could have been hit by a car and _poof_ , that’s it, credits roll.  All because you’re not sleeping.”

Isak visibly flinched at that.  Under any other circumstance Even would have felt awful about that, but not this time.  Not when he had just been introduced the very _unwanted_ feelings of almost watching his boyfriend get hit by a car.

“I’m trying…” Isak trailed off and Even shook his head, cupping the side of Isak’s face and tracing his thumb along Isak’s cheekbone.  He was going about this the wrong way.  He needed to try to step back from how freaked out _he_ was and concentrate on his boy.

His beautiful, beautiful boy who was clearly hurting.

“I know you are, baby.” Even soothed.  “Do you want to talk about what’s keeping you awake?” Even could probably guess, but he wasn’t going to force it out of Isak if the boy wasn’t ready to share.

“I-” Isak hesitated, staring at Even from under his lashes, and Even nodded reassuringly.  Isak took a breath and tried again.

“I went to the doctor.  The one at school?”

“Yeah?” Even propped himself up on his elbow.  He knew how much Isak hated places like that.  “That was really brave of you, Is.  I’m proud of you.” He said earnestly, pressing a kiss to Isak’s forehead.

“She said I should talk to someone about the stuff in my head.  Again.”

“Again?” Even frowned.

“Oh, I- I went to see her a few months ago.  Before we were- before we got our shit together.  She told me no one’s an island or something and that I should talk to someone.  That’s when I, um…came out to Jonas.” Isak’s cheeks went pink and Even’s heart melted a little.  Isak was still so shy.  He seemed so delicate.

“And look how well that talk went!” Even grinned, trying to make Isak see that talking to someone about how you felt wasn’t the end of the world.

“But that was _Jonas_.” Isak huffed, as if that obviously meant something important.

“Ja?  And?” Even prompted when Isak didn’t elaborate.

“ _And_ ,” Isak spluttered, seemingly struggling for words.  “I’ve known Jonas forever; he’s my best friend!  It’s different!”

“Different.” Even repeated.  He was beginning to see the issue here.

“Ja.” Isak squirmed under Even’s steady gaze.

“Different to talking to a professional.” Even finally said and Isak flinched, as if even the _word_ hurt him.

“I can’t.” He whispered.  Even couldn’t remember Isak ever looking as young and vulnerable as he did right then.

Sometimes he forgot that he was older than Isak.  Other times, when Isak said something or did something like this, it was glaringly obvious.  No one could accuse Isak of having a baby face, but he had this look of vulnerability about him when he actually let his emotions show.  As if one word would shatter him.

It brought out all the protective instincts that Even hadn’t even known he had until he met Isak.

“Why not, Is?” Even lay back and pulled Isak to his chest, feeling like this position was less like an interrogation than him being sat up leaning over Isak.

Isak shuffled against him to get comfortable, eventually settling for resting his head on Even’s shoulder and hitching his leg over Even’s to keep them pressed together.  Even brought his arm up to wrap around Isak’s shoulders and held his boy close, turning his head and kissing his hair.

In his sappier moments, Even would catch himself wishing he could hold Isak like this and protect him from the things causing him so much hurt.  That was hard, though, when the threat was internal; locked inside Isak’s head in some dark corner he wasn’t ready to face.

“Why can’t you talk to someone, Isak?” Even whispered, unsure if Isak had forgotten they were talking or if he was just avoiding the question.

“Because,” Isak sighed sleepily.  “I can’t be like her.” He nestled his face against Even’s neck tiredly, apparently unaware his words were now cutting into Even’s heart.

Was Isak really afraid of being like his mother?  What on earth had he seen in that house?

Even opened his mouth to say something, looking down at Isak so he could gauge his reaction, when he noticed it.  The subtle change in Isak’s breathing.  The way Isak’s fingers had gone lax against his chest.

Isak had fallen asleep.

Even chewed his lip.  They needed to talk about this.  Even _needed_ to get through to Isak about talking to someone, about how it didn’t mean you were certifiable, about how it _didn’t_ mean that Isak was sick like his mother was.

For now though, Even let his boy sleep.


	2. The Morning After The Day Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak have a serious talk about therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am so so sorry about how long you had to wait for this but life gets in the way when your work shifts! To the people who commented and sent me asks on tumblr, thank you for reminding me that people haven't forgotten about this series and that you loved Insomnia so much you wanted more! Each and everyone one of you made my day when you reached out like that ♥
> 
> sappiness over, I hope you enjoy these 3000 words! see if you can spot where I vented my feelings on therapy ;)

When Isak woke up he felt like he’d been hit by a bus.  Maybe Even hadn’t pulled him out of the road and he actually _had_ been hit by a bus and just couldn’t remember.

_Even._

Isak threw an arm out tiredly and found himself groping…his bed.  His bed that was seriously _lacking_ in the warm boyfriend department.  Even would have been considerably more fun to grope than his rumpled bed sheets.

Sitting up felt like a monumental effort when his body felt like a brick sinking through treacle, but somehow Isak managed it.  He didn’t remember taking his jeans off, but when he looked around his room for signs of Even he saw them pooled on the floor at the end of the bed.

The floor near his door was a tangled mess of jumpers and over-shirts leading to the bed and Isak’s cheeks flushed at the memory of haphazardly tugging his clothes off and crumpling onto the bed under Even.

The door was ajar, but Isak definitely remembered Even kicking it closed behind them when they got in.  Maybe Even was already up?

The thought of leaving the cosiness of the bed was almost painful, but the more awake Isak became the more aware he became of the amazing smells coming from the other side of his door.  As if telling him to get his ass into gear and out of bed, his stomach began to growl demandingly.  And then it was all Isak could do to think of something _other_ than how hungry he was.

How long had he been asleep?

He crawled down to the end of the bed and fumbled for his jeans to fish his phone out of the pocket.  A quick glance at the screen told him it was almost noon.

Well.

Shit.

Isak pulled in a deep breath and forced himself up off the bed.  He grabbed one of Even’s jumpers off the floor and pulled it over his head, feeling a little better about leaving his empty bed now he was engulfed in the smell of his boyfriend.  He grabbed some sweatpants and pulled them on as he went out into the flat, because fuck if it was warm enough for just boxers.

Following his nose lead Isak straight into the kitchen, much to the happiness of his incessantly grumbling stomach.  He paused in the doorway for a few seconds, shamelessly admiring the view.

Even was indeed already up; stood at the counter chopping something Isak couldn’t see, his head bobbing along with the radio.  He looked like he had already showered – _no couples shower today then_ , Isak thought sadly – and he looked far too good for someone who was only wearing jeans and a hoody.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” Isak could hear the grin in Even’s voice, even if he couldn’t see it yet.

“Morning.” Isak shuffled towards Even, intent on worming between the counter and his boyfriend for a good morning kiss.

“Afternoon, actually!” Eskild trilled as he breezed into the kitchen with an empty mug.  Startled, Isak froze where he was stood: halfway between the kitchen door and Even.

“Ah, leave him alone.  He needed sleep.” Even laughed, shooing Eskild out jokingly.  “Leave the mug.  I’ll do it with the rest.” He added when Eskild tried to get to the sink.

“Are you sure?” Eskild asked dubiously, looking from Even to a still frozen Isak.

“ _Yes_.” Even repeated his shooing motion before taking the mug from Eskild and placing it next to the sink pointedly.  Isak’s sleep fogged brain was finally catching up with what was happening and he frowned over at Even.  He definitely felt like he was missing something.

“You might as well sit down, babe, food’s almost ready.  I was going to bring it to you in bed, but-”

“We could still eat it in bed!” Isak interjected quickly, unconvinced that Eskild wasn’t eavesdropping just beyond the kitchen door.  Something was niggling at his brain and it was telling him that he was going to want privacy for whatever Even was scheming.

“If that’s what you want.” Even smiled over at him briefly before focusing back on the food, scooping what looked like chopped peppers and maybe ham off the chopping board and onto the awaiting eggs.  With a quick flurry of movement he folded the eggs and flipped it over, shooting a wink at Isak as the pan hissed.

“Can you get a plate?” Even nodded towards the cupboard, as if he was stood in his own kitchen and Isak was the guest, and Isak found himself grinning at the domesticity of it all.  He grabbed one of the bigger plates – because, as Isak had learned the hard way, Even had _no_ sense of portion control – and fished out a couple of forks as Even plated up enough omelette to feed half of Oslo.

After making themselves some coffee the boys retreated back to Isak’s room, and Isak found himself letting out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding as he closed the door behind them, sealing them in their bubble away from the world again.  They made themselves comfortable under the duvet, balancing the plate on their pressed together legs.

The quiet as they ate wasn’t uncomfortable, but even when they playfully crossed forks pretending to fight for a certain bit of food Isak could feel tension rippling just beneath the surface.  He decided they could at least enjoy their breakfast before anything serious happened, and Even seemed happy enough to go along with that, so they ate in silence until the plate was cleared.

“You want to talk about yesterday.” Isak guessed, his hands wrapped around his mug of coffee to stop them from anxiously fiddling, as Even set the empty plate on the floor.

“Partly, yeah.” Even nodded as he sat back up, wrapping an arm around Isak’s shoulders and settling against him.  It wasn’t much, it couldn’t even be called a hug, but that simple contact was enough to soothe some of Isak’s nerves.

“People are worried about you, Issy.” Even started, planting a soft kiss against the top of Isak’s head.

“I’m fine.” The words were out of Isak’s mouth before he could stop them, a kneejerk reaction.  “Sorry.” He muttered, not even needing to look at Even to know he wasn’t impressed.

“Baby,” Even took a breath, his hand tightening on Isak’s shoulder.  “You could have died yesterday.  You just _walked_ into the road.  But even if that _hadn’t_ happened, not sleeping is a big deal.  I thought it was getting a bit easier lately?” Even glanced down at Isak questioningly, searching his face for some kind of hint.

“It was.” Isak sighed, setting his coffee down on the cabinet in favour of curling himself closer to Even.  “All those things you said helped.  Especially the no phone or laptop in bed one.” Isak squeezed Even’s hand, trying to express how grateful he was for Even’s help.

“But not for long?” Even guessed, skimming his fingers up and down Isak’s bare arm in feather light touches.

“No.” Isak hated how small he sounded, how small he _felt_.  Why couldn’t his stupid brain just let him sleep?  Everyone else on the damn planet seemed to be able to just go to sleep at night and wake up well rested, why was that such an impossible thing for him to do?

“I can hear those cogs grinding in your head, Issy.” Even teased gently as he kissed the top of his head, temporarily soothing Isak’s internal frustration.  “It isn’t your fault.  Loads of people deal with insomnia.  We just need to figure out what works for _you_.”

“We?” Isak repeated, a small smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

“Duh.  Relationships are about helping each other, not just you looking after me all the time.” Even rolled his eyes, but there was no trace of joking in his voice.

“Okay.” Isak nodded, tracing shapes over the front of Even’s shirt.  He didn’t really know what to say.  He didn’t _know_ what he needed to be able to sleep.  Sometimes he could, and sometimes he just lay awake at night for no god damn reason.  How could something with no detectable pattern be helped?

Isak didn’t really notice how long they sat like that in silence, too lost inside his own head.  It was Even who eventually shattered the quiet.

“You said something last night that I wanted to talk about too.” Isak could feel Even’s heart beating faster under his fingertips as he spoke.

“I did?” Isak sat up a bit to look at Even properly.  He didn’t really remember much of last night, so he was praying he hadn’t said something embarrassing.

“Yeah.” Even nodded, looking straight at the wall opposite rather than at Isak’s face.  That was enough to make Isak’s heart throb nervously.

“You wanna elaborate?” Isak wasn’t even sure he wanted the answer but he asked anyway.

“When I suggested that you maybe see a professional?  After you told me you’d seen the school doctor?” Even probed, trying to spark Isak’s memory.  Isak couldn’t recall Even asking him about that at all, but he felt his blood run cold regardless.

“No.” Isak’s voice came out firmer than he expected considering his insides felt like they’d turned to water.  “I don’t need to see anyone like- like _that_.” He cursed himself internally for faltering over his words, knowing Even would pick up on it.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what you said last night.” Even nodded, finally pulling his gaze away from the wall and to Isak’s unsettled face.  Even took a breath, as if he was bracing himself for what he was about to say.

“You know I’ve seen a therapist before, right?” Even was searching his face, so Isak _knew_ that Even saw the way he flinched.  Isak wanted to crawl into a hole and die seeing the hurt look that bloomed over Even’s beautiful features.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Isak swallowed.  He didn’t really know what to say to Even’s confession, but when he reached out to take Even’s hand and Even jerked it back Isak’s heart fell right through his stomach.

He’d fucked up.

“Even, I-”

“No.” Even interrupted.  “I’m going to talk first, and you’re not going to try to say sorry until you’ve listened, okay?” Even looked so serious that Isak only just managed to nod his head in response.  His heart was thundering against his ribcage waiting for Even to tell him that he’d had enough of Isak’s bullshit.

“Yeah, I went to a therapist.  And yeah, I felt really shitty at the time and I felt like going to therapy was way too over the top for some teenager who just couldn’t keep his shit together, but you know what?  Therapy was a really good experience for me.  Yeah it sucked to have to talk about all the hard stuff in my head, but in the end it helped me see what triggers me and how I can look after myself so I _don’t_ end up in therapy again.

You think I thought of all those things to help you sleep on my own?  No!  I learned them when I was in therapy because _I_ was having trouble sleeping and _I_ didn’t know what to do.  There’s nothing shameful about therapy, Isak, I don’t know what experience you’ve had or what you’ve heard but therapy isn’t going into some 1950’s mental institution and having some creepy old guy tell you that you’re fucked up because your parents didn’t love you and you should just get over it.

Where I went, it was in my GP surgery and you wouldn’t even know it was a therapist in there to look at it.  I didn’t have to lie on some stupid couch and talk about my childhood like stupid shows like to make it out to be.  I sat in a normal chair and so did she and we just talked and she helped me figure a lot of stuff out about my bipolar and how to live with it.  I don’t regret going to therapy, Is.  I don’t shout it from the rooftops either, but I’m not ashamed of it.

Sometimes you just need help; there’s nothing _wrong_ with that.  And it’s not like we live in America with your dick of an uncle; I never had to worry about affording to go to therapy or the doctor for my meds or any of that.  Help is _out_ there, Isak, and it’s _free_ and it’s not as weird as the media likes to make it out to be, I promise.”

For a second, all Isak can do was stare at his boyfriend in stunned silence.

“I’m finished now, promise.” Even smiled sheepishly and Isak let out a weak laugh.

“You just- you make it sound so easy.” is all Isak managed to say once he found his voice again.

“It wasn’t.” Even shook his head and took Isak’s hand.  _Thank god_ , was all Isak could think as relief rushed through him.  His blood still felt cold in his veins from seeing Even jerk away from his touch.  Even’s fingers tangled between his own again was slowly bringing the warmth back to his heart.

“It wasn’t easy at _all_ , Isak.  I dug my heels in so hard to start with.  I would pretend to be sick to try to make my mum let me stay home, and I’d sit in silence with the therapist because I had no idea what the hell to say to her.  I told her I wasn’t crazy so I didn’t need her and it was just a waste of our time.” Even shook his head, his eyes focused on their joined hands.

“You’re _not_ crazy!” the words flew from Isak’s mouth with more vehemence that he intended and he felt his face flush when Even looked up at him.

“I know,” Even grinned.  “It’s nice to hear you say it though.” He added and Isak tightened his grip on Even’s hand.

“My mum used to go to therapy.  Or something like it.” Isak blurted out.  Even just raised an eyebrow at him, giving him time to continue.

“She-” Isak could feel his throat closing up as he tried to explain it.  Just thinking about remembering those days made his heart clench painfully in his chest.

“I’ve got you.” Even murmured.  “C’mon.” Even lay down and, despite his recent breakfast still filling his stomach, Isak lay down with him and allowed himself to feel the comfort of being wrapped in Even’s arms with his head resting in the soft slope where Even’s neck met his shoulder.

Isak took a deep breath and Even ran his fingers soothingly through Isak’s curls, giving little scratches to Isak’s scalp that almost had him melting into a puddle there and then.

“She hated it.  She’d scream and shout at my dad when he told her it was time to go, and I’d just watch him _drag_ her out of the house to the car to go to her appointments.  And when she came back…” Isak trailed off, his chest contracting painfully.  Even hugged him impossibly closer.

“She was so quiet and dejected and she wasn’t anything like the mum I knew.  She just seemed so beaten down and _sad_.  And dad looked so tired when he brought her back, even though they’d only be gone for like three or four hours.” Isak shook his head, trying to will away the tears pricking at his eyes.

“I hated it.  She hated going and it didn’t do anything good for her, and she had more episodes _anyway_.  It felt like I was just watching her be tortured; first by her brain and then by her doctor and my dad by making her go to those appointments.” Isak’s voice caught on a sob at that and Even made a low noise in the back of his throat.

“I’m sorry, baby.” Even whispered into Isak’s hair, practically pulling Isak on top of him in a hug.  Isak went willingly, pressing close to Even and burying his face in the crook of his neck.  He hated crying, alone or in front of anyone, but he knew Even could feel him trembling and the few hot tears trickling from his eyes were dripping straight down Even’s neck and down into his hairline.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Even continued, rocking Isak slowly from side to side.  He should have felt stupid; he was almost 18 and being rocked like a baby by his boyfriend.  He didn’t feel stupid, though.  He felt safe.

“I’m sorry your mum had to go through that too.  But not everyone’s experience getting help is that traumatic, baby, I promise.” Even kissed the crown of Isak’s head again, wishing for the hundredth time that he could love the pain right out of Isak’s heart.

They lay like that for a while: pressed as close together as they could get, Even giving Isak as many comforting touches as he could and Isak pushing those memories back into the part of his brain that he kept hidden away.

Even wasn’t really expecting much more from Isak today, but his boy was nothing if not full of surprising reserves of strength.

“If- if I _did_ go to someone like- like _that_ ,” Isak began hesitantly, shyly looking up at Even through his lashes.  “Would you go with me?” Isak’s nervous eyes flickered away from Even’s face and Even could see the blush creeping up Isak’s neck and over his face at this moment of vulnerability.

“For you, Issy, I’d walk through fire.”

It wasn’t a solid plan.  It was barely a commitment.  But it _was_ a promise.

A promise that Isak would try, even though his second-hand experience of therapy was violent and painful.

It was a promise that, as soon as Isak was ready, Even would be there every step of the way to keep the hurt at bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it! From the bottom of my heart I hope this lived up to all your expectations after the long wait! Let me know what you think, guys! And, as always, you can find me over [here](http://isaksredscarf.tumblr.com) on tumblr!


End file.
